Perfect Love

I’ve seen pain. Hard pain. Hard, gut wrenching, not worth living sort of pain. I’ve seen it for years. I have seen it in adults across the world first-hand, in poverty, in abuse, in orphans… in children… but never have I singled out one child and saw brokenness, loneliness, confusion, and sadness in one child. That’s what I saw today.

My classmates and I had the wonderful opportunity to serve at a prison ministry today. We got to meet the prisoners, their families, perform dramas to encourage them, and just love on them. An opportunity that has changed a part of my life forever. I was a part of the team that got to love on their families.

I will never forget Tyrone. 

Sweet sweet kid. 

But his face read pain, sadness, brokenness, and a lot of confusion. He sat down in the chair next to me with another young woman. My classmate, Justin was just about paint a snake on Tyrone’s cheek. He sat still. Didn’t move. Didn’t smile. Wouldn’t speak. He was shy.

But his body language also spoke anger and terror. It spoke abandonment.

He was going to visit his mom in prison.

My heart melted. Everything within me wanted to scoop him up, take him to the prison and bust open those doors and look for his mom and take them home. We don’t realize that people who are imprisoned have families too. And poor Tyrone was paying for the consequences. He’s an orphan.

I watched Justin paint that snake on his face… how much love we poured onto that kid just then. And it made me realize how much love can impact this one child; how it can impact the whole world. It impacted mine… it saved my life. I cried, I have to admit. I felt so much compassion for these kids, and I felt so angry too. Angry at Satan for destroying kids’ childhoods; the most precious thing in this world.

I have experienced pain. Hard pain. I’m sure we all have. But I’ve experienced not having the greatest childhood too and I am so pissed off that these kids aren’t getting what they deserve: a childhood. But then it’s people like us that are in their lives for a short time and give them a childhood for a good day. I wish I could give Tyrone a million more. But I’m praying that one day makes a difference.

After Tyrone got his face painted by Justin, he went back to his table with the young woman. Five minutes after, I saw him running around with a slight smile plastered on his face. So maybe my classmates and I were successful in making Tyrone’s day.

So often we believe love isn’t going to overcome the violence, suicide rates, hate, crime, the broken homes… but I believe if Jesus can overcome the grave, He can overcome these things. The song from The Beatles is singing through my head, all we need is love… love is all we need… Except the hippy love parts….

I believe love changes hearts, overcomes addictions, frees slaves, puts a smile on an orphan’s face…

Benjamin Sledge.
The name that helped save my life two years ago when all I thought about was suicide. I didn’t care about love and what it meant. I didn’t care about anything. He’s a part of a great organization called Heart Support

– an online community founded by the lead singer of August Burns Red: Jake Luhrs; designed to help young people like me overcome addictions, suicide, and other struggles. He never gave up on me when all I did was give up on myself. He loved me when I didn’t even love myself. And it was his and Heart Support’s love and grace that helped save me.

I met him this past week. And this whole week that went through my mind after meeting him is how accepting he is to everyone. His face shines with love. Everyone he sees, he looks at them with an adoration saying you and I are equal and I love you. If we all just did that…

Have you loved someone today?

Just Some Updates and Photos

After coming back from India and our Christmas break, we headed to Galveston Beach for some quiet and fellowship with each other... a retreat for the week. 

After the retreat we started back on our normal days here at Master's. Normal days look like West Coast classes, normal reading, studying, drama training.

Lately we've been doing a lot of drama training for our own church since we just opened up our huge and brand new sanctuary, we've been having fun with it. We've done training for Red Pill - our School Assembly program. We also continue to work every Saturday for Adopt-A-Block.

This last week of the month, we are heading to Louisiana for our annual MC Conference! It's where all of the Master's Commissions across the US meet together for a couple of days! We're excited!

March is just around the corner where things will start to pick up fast. With March being our busiest month! We are serving at the rodeo to raise money, and we also have services and such! We'd appreciate your prayers for strength that month!

Here are some photos...

Why Depression Doesn't Own Me

I decided to add this onto my Master’s Commission blog… although, this has nothing to do with what we’ve done or what we’re doing; being here has helped me see the reality of the walls in my mind. I won’t share all those walls but let me be a little real with you, please.

Depression. For weeks now I’ve fallen into depression… and it led me to complacency. Being content with being depressed and stuck with not moving forward. I believe it’s okay to stay there sometimes… as long as you have community to always be there to listen to you blab and run your mouth for at least an hour a day and ask those hard questions. Side note: I am thankful for those people… you know who you are. It seems as if depression will always be something I struggle with. And that’s okay. When I said, it’s okay to stay in that place sometimes… it’s because I believe God is doing something in that area we don’t fully know about. This is why community is important, because after days of prayer and reading and digging deeper into God’s word and His love, I found He has created something new within me. A friend of mine told me: “this is a whole different puzzle you are building, and be thankful for this season of questions that cause your depression, because it is a new puzzle piece you’re just trying to fit together. So rejoice!” It reminds me of when someone told me I have a gift of restoration (not a gift in the bible, but a gift that’s been given through heart break and loss) because I am being restored. God has taken this broken, darkened thing and given me life again. A new puzzle to put together, and not like the one where the pieces just couldn’t fit.

Depression. It’s when I can’t get out of my own head. It’s where I get stuck. Where everything I think about has deeper and meaningful thoughts and questions out of nowhere begin to rise. Questions that tell me I have some rooted problems and I don’t know how to fix them. It’s a headache. And I thought these questions about “forgiveness” was about my past and someone I know, but it was more than that… I have been studying forgiveness for weeks. It’s one of those things that seem to rip you into little shredded pieces and chisel your soul… so hard. And you can’t do anything about it… so painful. Yet, so needed.

I thought I was somehow readying myself to be healed (more) through this forgiveness process. I so desperately want to fully heal from some rough stuff in my life, but it doesn’t work that way (I try though). I thought that healing may have been going to that person and having this meaningful (somewhat) conversation that I know in my head won’t turn out well… It’s great I thought that, but going through this season wasn’t about my forgiveness with so and so. It was about that person who sent a letter to me asking for my forgiveness…

“Brace yourself for a shock! Look long and hard. Something is about to take place. And you’re going to find it hard to believe.” ~Habakkuk 1:5 (MSG)

Before I move forward, let me give you some background about Habakkuk. Habakkuk was a prophet of God probably immediately following King Josiah’s reign in Judah. Now, the Babylonians – a fierce tribe, was about to take over Judah. This book records a one-on-one conversation between Habakkuk and God. Asking questions. Questions like judgment and why Judah was being punished by God through a ruthless tribe like Babylon... when Babylon was exceedingly more wicked. I mean, some people of Judah were into that Pagan worship… sacrificing children… if so, just imagine what Babylon was up to. It just didn’t seem fair. Habakkuk struggled to understand what God was doing, but he trusted the Lord was just and merciful and always somehow works things together. He trusted God no matter what. He trusted him for restoration.

Now, I know the verse above is different. But listen. God is doing something shocking in my life – it’s nuts! 

Forgiveness. I’ve judged. I’ve judged so hard, my self-righteousness shines so bright, it leaves glares. Yet, this person is seeking my forgiveness? What is this? I compare my depression season with the book of Habakkuk in the bible. I’ve had questions that frustrated me to the point where I longed to go back to my addictions and longed to think about other things that didn’t set my focus on truth. Yet still, something in me was saying, “keep going, even if you’re dragging.” These past several weeks, I didn’t know what I was doing, or if I was doing it right. Until this morning when a friend looked at me and said, “You’re doing it, Leanna. You’ve completely spun a 180… you’ve changed.” I was thinking, what does that mean exactly? The more I thought about it, the more I realized I needed to hear that. Hear that encouragement. To set my focus back on the truth, to say I forgive my friend for what they’ve done and I love them, and I would love nothing more than to embrace them and say, “it’s okay.” It’s not my job to judge. My job is to love. We’re all going to be judged equally. My sin is no greater than my friend’s… and not any lesser.

So this leaves the question, “where to now?” I don’t know. I am still trying to understand this forgiveness thing… this healing thing. While doing that, I’m still trying to understand God. And that is my mistake. The more I try to understand God, the more frustrating it will get and the more depressed I will feel. God and forgiveness are hard to understand and to accept. And since I can’t understand it – which no one can… therefore, we must accept it. I guess my where to and next puzzle piece is letting go. But I rejoice. I rejoice in what He has done in my life, and the things He is about to do. Depression doesn't own me because He has restored me.