Is Change Really A Thing? / Excuse Me For Being Blunt

"People don't change."

I swore to myself that I wouldn't write anything about New Year's Eve or anything to do with change. I see it all over Social Media and it sort of bothers me. We take up Resolutions just to forget about them the second week of the entire year. I find it hard to believe someone when they try to tell me what's going to be different about them this upcoming year. They just don't work. And I used to believe none of us could really change. That we are all so stuck in our shells of selfishness, that it is impossible for us to change. 

Your lack of change is because you lack discipline and self-control. 

You can change. I have stories of friends who did just that. Some of those friends helped myself change afterwards. 

Believing you or others can't change is a manifestation of pride. 

ouch. But I'm not sorry I said it.
I am just like this too.
We all are.
How? Selfishness is the reason we believe that = pride. It really isn't a science. As human beings, we are naturally selfish and prideful, but it doesn't mean we should accept that.

I know someone I met in India who used to be a part of the mob, until Jesus got ahold of him one day and it changed his life forever. I know a young woman who was caught in sex & drugs, but then someone she knew was in love with the Lord and continued to be that light in her life... she finally came to Christ and is clean. I also know another man who was a soldier, came back home from Afghanistan with PTSD, got caught up in alcohol & drugs, found Jesus, and he now is a college pastor and a director for an online Christian organization that deals with addictions - and because of him and that organization, it saved me from my addictions.

Change is inevitable. 

Everyone changes. No one stays the same. We mature... some more slower than others. But we never stop. We never stop learning life lessons and experiences. We're going to change even if we don't try to.

Change really is a thing. So here's that one annoying question: What change are you going to make for 2014? What goals do you have for the future? Tomorrow is your clean slate. The past is left with 2013. The past is the past. After midnight, what are you going to let go of? After midnight, what will you forgive yourself for? After midnight tonight... are you going to move forward? Any goals?

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My Goals:
Graduate Master's Commission
Prayer be my first priority everyday
Overcome some personal things / Forgive myself / Forget my past / Move on
Start planning my future ministry: Orphanages & trips / Schooling

Mafia & Apples to Apples in the Middle of Mumbai Airport / India Journal Part 4

This is an India series... my thoughts, and experiences I put into my journal - edited, now sharing with you...

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I particularly love this part of the entire trip. I know we're not serving... but community. I never thought I'd love community this much. My brothers and sisters are pretty great, and just being able to spend time with them as we wait in the Mumbai airport to get back to America... it was first, exhausting having to stay up all night to wait for our flight, and second, rewarding, getting to know them a little better. During mission trips - even just being in Master's Commission - there is a lot of waiting involved. A lot of time being killed. You learn a lot of patience... it's sort of forced. But it's a good thing! 

I love missions. I love people so much. I love God even more. Who would have thought that someone like me who loves being alone would be saying these words? Bu ever since that orphanage, love has become a new meaning to me. I am finally content on where I am today and how I got here - how I got here was a complete mess. Maybe that phrase, "beauty out of ashes" is sort of true. There's a sort of peace within my soul I've never felt before. Even the people who have wronged me, I've started forgiving...true love. This love has got me so wrapped up in it, I feel better about myself and who I am, and who I am becoming... this is called freedom. And it's only caught by God, who is Love.

I never thought a lesson could be made through games like Mafia and Apples to Apples...

Some Images Just Never Leave You / India Journal Part 3

This is an India series... my thoughts, and experiences I put into my journal - edited, now sharing with you...

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There are no photos for this blog. Because I believe the people I saw in Mumbai - right outside the airport - deserve more dignity than what they've been given. I saw naked, homeless people sleeping underneath an overpass. People would walk/drive by like this was normal. Like this was okay. But I saw dirty, broken humanity that the Enemy has tremendously warped. However, in the midst of the sadness, somehow I was able to find God's light and mercy through one of the kids I will never forget.

The little boy is burned into my head, it never leaves me and tears well up every time I think of him. My soul feels uneasy knowing he is out there sleeping on the streets and God knows what has happened to him or what is currently going through. The urge to sweep him up into my arms was almost inevitable... it was awful. Although I never got to talk with him and love him... instead just pass him by because I had somewhere else I was heading and quite honestly... excuse me for my boldness, but I had places to be. I didn't have time for him. I think that is one thing I didn't like about this mission trip to India. We never had time for a lot of people... who may have needed us the most. Don't get me wrong, God did great and awesome things there. People were healed, people were saved, people were loved and cared for... but I often think about that little boy on the side of the road underneath the overpass sleeping naked. And you're telling me there was nothing I could do for him? How about he could have my blanket? My pillow. Heck, just take me entire luggage. True religion is serving and helping the orphan and the widow...

I am guilty of not stopping. I am guilty of not doing anything for him, or anyone underneath that overpass. My heart is heavy for them, but with no action, is my love meaningless? All I know is God is a God of all circumstances. God is Just, Righteous, and Powerful. He is Right, IN CONTROL, and Good. Because seeing this, my heart dropped to the floor and it made me fall in love with Jesus more; these are His people. These aren't "people of India," these are "Children of God." I was reminded that this is exactly the reason Jesus came down to earth, took on a cross and died, and defeated death by rising from the grave. We are royal, we are clean, we are hopeful, and we are beautiful. And because of that I know - in particular - this little boy is a royal heir of the Most High... no one can touch him. No one can touch God's precious children. I just know that everyone is valuable. I pray for this kid everyday. I pray he is safe, and his family is with him and he is not feeling alone. I pray for blessings in his life, and I constantly speak life for this little kid... I pray for his comfort and peace. This little boy is beautiful to me.

Why the Enemy Was Fighting to Keep Me Out of India / India Journal Part 2

This is an India series... my thoughts, and experiences I put into my journal - edited, now sharing with you...

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Here are the ways Satan tried extremely hard to keep me out of India:
1) Raising the money was almost impossible for me.
2) My visa arrived 3 days later, I had to fly by myself 3 days late without my team.
3) When arriving to India, Immigration wouldn't let me leave the airport until I had a secure address on where I was staying (long story).

I'm surprised he didn't try to bring down the plane...
I believe it didn't go down because of my classmates who prayed over me, because they knew the enemy didn't want me going; they knew it was going to be rough journey.

I knew that God was fighting for me to be in India. I just didn't know why. All of a sudden, it became more than just wanting to go to India... the more I prayed over this country, the more I worked to get myself there, the more I begged God for patience through my circumstances, and for miracles... the more I became incredibly passionate about His people in India. Still, I knew there was a reason why the enemy did not want me there. I knew I was supposed to go. I just knew. And I knew God would make a way. You see, I learned that nothing can stop Him and His purpose. What's even more great was God wasn't just showing me what He can do, but He was showing everyone who was watching this happening to me. We all knew there was some sort of reason for this drama.

1) Faithfulness - I was supposed to learn a lot about God's faithfulness. He didn't just show me this month, He showed me my testimony. He pulled me through some dark times, I've learned. We don't live life through a formula or math problem, I know... we live through moments... and the moments of my life led me to this one moment I'm living for now. I learned God got me through each moment.

2) Pride to Humility - God taught me how to start breaking down my walls of pride. Being here, and being in India. I believe the enemy didn't want me to do that... because the more he could build more blocks... the more he could misguide me and keep me from my calling.

3) "I choose you!" - Have you watched Pokemon before? When I think of the show, I am reminded of when Ash would exclaim, "Pikachu! I choose you!" I feel like that's how God is a lot. He sees someone who needs to experience something, or for some reason it's part of their calling... so I believe God said that to me. He chose me to make some little orphan children smile by giving them Christmas gifts... He chose me, ME... some ordinary young woman to heal an older woman physically. That's right, she was healed in Jesus' name and God decided to use me!

4) My Calling - God has given me a vision to build orphanages in the regions of Asia, and America for children who potentially are at risk or were victims of Child Sex Trafficking. I'm excited to give you this news. I've been prayerfully considering... and God just confirmed it when I was at the Girl's Orphanage in India. I prayed a little more about it, and this is my first real announcement about it. I'm excited to partner with churches and organizations to make this happen. I am currently getting my Biblical Counseling Bachelor's Degree, and I plan on going to school for a BA in counseling as well. God willing. I still plan on ministering in Korea... North Korea and China are very well known for human trafficking. In the next 5 years, I see myself graduating some college and starting my ministry with orphans. My heart is heavy (in a good way) for these girls. I know this is exactly where God wants me. I don't want to be a super-hero for these children... but I want to point them to the hero who saved us, tore the veil, and made a way to be with Him forever. Free.

"The Darkness only wins if you allow it to..." ~Renee Yohe

This is Love / India Journal Pt. 1

This is an India series... my thoughts, and experiences I put into my journal - edited, now sharing with you...

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I don't think you will ever get a glimpse of love until you see it on the face of a child's. They literally have nothing else to live for... nothing left to lose. And it's beautiful. All this time I thought I understood "love". Boy, do we throw that word around likes it's just a paper ball of trash. We're eventually going to just throw it away. What a waste. I want to love like it's not something I waste. I wonder if this is how Jesus felt during His ministry - this sense of humility and passionate love for His people. Before turning on the road towards the girl's orphanage in Gujurat, India... God showed me a passage in the love chapter of 1 Corinthians. 

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. ~1 Corinthians 13:1-3

I have a confession to make. I haven't loved anyone. I have loved to the best of my ability, but I never loved anyone. I never loved a soul until I saw a beautiful young girl's face in the center of a crowded orphanage building in the middle of nowhere. And she was stunning. Suddenly, I was in India... at this orphanage... not to say I've been to India... but God to do something amazing and heart-wrenching in my life. Suddenly I was India to love on these children. A new found love I've never known before until now. 

I know it's hard to grasp. What love really is, and if I really did find that love Jesus felt while walking down the streets during His ministry. But I know a few things for sure, God is real, love is real, and God is love; and I caught a glimpse of His love at this orphanage I never want to take back. I've never felt a part of something greater than myself...

The Plot Twist

I am sad to say I wasn't able to leave with my team for India on Sunday afternoon. You see, I am originally from Indiana, so I had to get my Visa in Chicago - and because of that small plot twist in this very interesting voyage in my life, I wasn't able to leave in time with my team. The Visa is still in Chicago and hasn't been shipped to me yet. But you know what? That's okay...

Let me tell you the secret of how I am being so super calm about this right now... oh wait, half the time, I haven't been! But here are a few things I've been learning from this experience...
I have seen how faithful God has been to me through this whole process. The fundraising part was like walking through hell. It was awful. Hard. There were times I was on my knees in prayer begging God for a miracle, and He showed up. What I learned through that is His faithfulness, even when we are not completely 100% faithful. I believe if I hadn't seen God do the impossible during my fundraising time for India, my faith right now - at this point - wouldn't be able to stand firm when the enemy used this little Visa issue and tried to shake me. I was shaken for a second, but I didn't fall. I know that this little battle belongs to God - who makes ALL THINGS work together for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His PURPOSE.

God Isn't A Liar
I will still be able to go to India. God told me several weeks ago I was called to go to India. God isn't a liar... and He will not make Himself look like a fool. I know - by the grace of God and His goodness - He will take me to India Himself. God told me I was going to India, He didn't say when... I will be leaving some time this week.
I have my own mission. My mission will not be the same as my classmates. There's is great, and I have been praying for them and their ministry like crazy. My mission - whatever it may be (witnessing to someone next to me on the plane, sharing this testimony with you, or just going through this experience in order to grow and learn) is PURPOSEFUL. And it is God's alone. I cannot wait to figure out my purpose in going. I know that God will come through, He always has.

Growing Mature
Several people have commented on my level of maturity and faith about this problem. But if it wasn't for some people in my life, my direction would be completely different and quite pathetic. That's why community is important and retreating, running away from people is dangerous. When we are alone, our thoughts haunt us, when we are with someone, they are speaking life and truth to us in encouragement. I love to sulk in my self-pity... and that's where I would have been. But I learned from two great people whom I love dearly and who are huge faith warriors this: "Consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters, when facing trials of many kinds... for it produces perseverance." I recently read something in Psalms that says: "She does not fear bad news, she confidently trusts the Lord to take care of her." *Psalm 112:7. All I have been getting lately is plainly bad news, but I rebuke the worry and the fear and the frustration. I am learning to trust God through this stressful process.


Act NOT React.
We dictate how we will feel, think, and act when we hear bad news. We can either sit and sulk and have a bad attitude, or we can stand up, do something, fight our biggest giants with God on our side and conquer them. It's our choice. And I choose to be joyful, it's okay to be disappointed in bad news, but we must not dwell. God is waiting to use us in any situation we are in. And PRAY like it's no tomorrow. We must act out in prayer. Tell god our hearts, our desires, our everything... He is the One and only Father I have, and to run into His arms through this process has been the most humbling, pride-smasher, and peaceful experience I've ever had. God is all powerful and sovereign, yes... but when He hears our prayer over and over and how passionate we are about something, God becomes passionate with you. When we made the choice to have a relationship with Him, we made the choice of believing in His good and perfect will.

"Is God Sovereign over all things? Can we move Him by our prayers? The answer is yes." ~Ben Sledge

"God invites us to pray. In such a way that it scares what is scared within us. If you are not praying the type of prayers that scare you, they are certainly not frightening our enemy." ~Lisa Bevere (Girls With Swords).